my hero of a husband

Just as Josh texted to say he was in Rawlins on his way home from the trip, the pager went off for the ambulance to respond to a possible heart attack. I immediately texted Josh back, because he is the only one in town that is fully certified for cardiac. He got on the phone with the police department while I listened to the scanner, to see if they needed him. They do, so the bus is going to meet the ambulance at some determined meeting spot, where he will get off the bus and onto the ambulance and make his way back to Rawlins. Poor guy- long day for him, but I'm glad he'll be able to help out. Qualified EMTs are hard to come by where we live, and Advanced Intermediates are even harder. Josh. He's the one and only. There are a two other Intermediates, I think, but he's the only Advanced one. Makes me sad for the people in our valley because they don't have enough people to respond to them if something happens. :( As annoyed as I get when Josh is getting call after call and has to go, I'm glad he's there TO go, because if it were me, I'd sure want someone coming to my rescue. I'm glad he was on this side of Rawlins so he could meet the ambulance tonight.

my son, the funny one

This morning:

"Mom, can you do me a favor? Put away my toys."

I laughed out loud at him, to which he responded: "It's OK, they can stay right there."

HA!

We're almost done with Josh's second overnighter of the season- they went to Kemmerer and Big Piney this weekend. I definitely like home games better. :) I asked Brecken if he wanted to go to Encampment today to see their homecoming game, and he decided he wanted to stay home with me. I couldn't even bribe him with the concession stand at school- he didn't seem to care that there was popcorn and root beer there. I even asked if he wanted to go to Rawlins to see a movie this afternoon, pulled up the trailer for "The Princess and the Frog" and he giggled at it, but then said, "No thanks. I want to stay home with you". So, I guess we will be staying home this afternoon! :)

I'm off to Cheyenne tomorrow afternoon for the All-State convention. I look forward to it every year but hate leaving my boys at home. :( I didn't get to see much of Josh Thursday, then he left Friday, won't get home until late late tonight, and then I leave tomorrow and won't be home until Wednesday. We're kind of playing tag with each other for Brecken- "Tag, you're it- see you in a few days!"

babysitter bind

We got a call from Mary on Friday night, saying they had to go to Indiana all of a sudden this weekend for a funeral. They are going to be gone until Jan. 22. Panic started setting in, because as most of you know, backup daycare in this town is not an option. LUCKILY, Josh called a gal we know, the wife of a guy he teaches with. She has a 1 year old son and stays home with him, and she was gracious enough to take Brecken in for the next two weeks after preschool. Brecken has met her a couple times, but we went over to their house for lunch today (Thanks, Val and Jared!) and played a little, so he knew her house, and knew her when she goes to pick Brecken up from school tomorrow. She's a very energetic person, and her son has lots of toys, and Brecken had fun playing there. Hopefully he'll do OK with her picking him up from school tomorrow! Brecken also had a fun time playing with her baby. Her "baby" is as big as Brecken, however- they wear the same size clothes and weigh the same. :) Brecken loves babies though, and had fun "chasing" him and letting him chase Brecken. It was fun to watch them play.

We heard from our favorite babysitter ever, Amy, recently. Her dad is not doing well and is now on the heart transplant list. Her mom and dad moved to Salt Lake City for the time being. Please pray for him to receive a new heart soon, and pray for Amy because I know it's so hard on her to not be here anymore. We did receive a photo Christmas card from them in the mail before Christmas, and once I showed it to Brecken, he got all excited to see his 3 buddies again- Harrison, best buddy Dylan, and "Pooper", as he calls Cooper. He just gazed and gazed at that card with a smile plastered on his face, all the way up the hill from the post office to our house. It made me cry- he misses his buds and Amy sooo much. He asks about them literally every day!

We finally took the Christmas tree down today. We waited a while because we had Christmas here with Josh's family over New Year's. After that, work and practice started again and didn't have time until today! Last week was a very busy week, for sure. Josh even had his whole team over to the house for dinner Thursday night, and then was home for games this weekend against Wyoming Indian and Wind River. The scores didn't turn out in our favor, so I won't be elaborating. :)

This past week also marked 2 years of actively trying to conceive another baby. Before that was several months of not really preventing, but January 2008 we made it "official". Silly me, I thought it surely couldn't take as long for baby #2 as it did to get pregnant with Brecken... Ha! *sigh*

new post

Over on the photo blog! We had so much fun- we couldn't quit laughing when people kept falling down into the snow!!

santa came!

We had a fabulous Christmas. My mom and dad made it on the 23rd, just ahead of the blizzard we had. Christmas Eve was spent in the kitchen baking up a storm! We made cookies, divinity, pies, all sorts of tasty stuff. We went to church that evening and then came home to set out cookies and milk for Santa before Brecken headed to bed. My sister and her family made it here just after 10:00 that night. The above picture was taken before church on Christmas Eve. It was the first time in months Brecken has put on "real" pants- and of course, thy didn't last. We ended up at church with him in sweatpants. But hey- they were brown and matched the fleece shirt he's wearing- and I'm amazed the shirt stayed on and he wasn't wearing a t-shirt in addition to his sweatpants! :) I don't know why he wanted the hat on in this picture. I didn't ask. :)

Christmas morning was fun-filled as usual! Brecken loved his presents. Santa brought him a big boy bike! (excuse the fingerprints that are apparently on the lens of my small camera- That's the camera Brecken uses. :) )

Santa also brought a sled, a book, a bucket full of dinosaurs, a super cool stick horse that makes horse sounds when the ears are pushed, Candy Land, and a few other small things in his stocking. One of the other presents that he got that was a favorite was this HUGE stuffed dinosaur. My mom and dad gave it to him. It takes up quite a lot of Brecken's bed when he wants to snuggle with the dino at bedtime! It is a brontosaurus, but Brecken named him "Pterodactyl". :) He also got the movie "Curious George: A Very Monkey Christmas". So far, we have watched it four times. TODAY. About 10 times total.

Josh made a delicious prime rib for Christmas dinner and we had all the fixin's- we were quite stuffed!

We took Brecken up to Josh's school yesterday so he could ride his big-boy bike down the hallways and in the lunch room. Our house is just too small to ride it inside, and with all the snow we got over the weekend, there will be no bike riding outside for quite a while! Good thing he got a sled, too. :)

Now all our company is gone, in time to wash sheets for the next set of company coming! We are doing Christmas with the Sandlians over New Year's.

letter to santa

Brecken's preschool teachers helped the kids write letters to Santa. They were sent home today, as today was the last day of school for the year. Here's what Brecken's said:

"Dear Santa Claus,
Ho, ho, ho. I would like a dump truck and a dirt bike. I need a fishing pole because my other one is green and blue. Daddy needs a bike. Mom needs a bike. Merry Christmas!

Love,
Brecken"

And Santa wrote back!

"Dear Brecken,
Ho ho ho to you also. That is my favorite thing to say! What is your favorite thing to say? I was in Saratoga the other night for the parade and I had an awesome time. I got to see the lighted floats, meet with the children and also I got to eat some good chili at the Community Center.

The elves have been making a lot of toys this year. They are making a lot of trucks. Trucks are their favorite things to make and they make all different kinds. We have made a lot of fishing poles too. We make fishing poles in every color. Do you like to fish? We only get to ice fish here at te North Pole. Ice Fishing is fun too.

The reindeer are outside playing reindeer games. I think they are playing tag. Tag is a good game for them to play because they have to run a lot and that gets them in shape for the long trip we take on Christmas eve.

Be good and I will see you on Christmas eve.

Love,
Santa"

this little light of mine

And I'm gonna let it shine!!

Brecken came home from preschool the other day with a present and wiggling with excitement. He made it for Josh and I at school that day, and it was wrapped with hand-painted wrapping paper. I asked if we should put it under the tree but he could not wait for us to open it, so as soon as I got home with him, he opened it for me. :) And inside was this gorgeous, beautiful candle holder with a candle inside. It's the prettiest candle in our house. He had glued tissue paper to the glass holder so it looks like stained glass when the candle is lit. He told me, "Mommy! I made it just for you and it TURNED OUT!" Oh, how I love that boy. And YES. I will let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

snack time

I'm going to have to have Josh ask Brecken's teachers tomorrow when he drops Brecken off, what they had for snack today. Here's the answer I got when I asked B this afternoon. Are you ready for it?



RAMEN NOODLES.


Um.... really? Pretty sure not! But I asked him about 3 more times throughout the afternoon and evening, and got that answer every time. That's what he told Josh too. Hmmm.... some clarification might be needed. Not that I mind.... I just am highly doubting that snack time with 16 3-year-olds was Ramen noodles. :)

letter from the liver doctor

Finally, some results from my blood test.

"Dear Kara,
It was a pleasure to see you at our Fort Collins office. Your lab tests were normal. Sill consisted with focal nodular hyperplasia. Please call me if you have any unexplained symptoms. I do recommend a follow up ultrasound in 6 months. If you have any questions, please call."

PHEW!

o christmas tree

Yesterday was our hunt for a tree. We ended up on the other side of Encampment this year, and found that the assortment of trees over there is much better than on the Snowy Mountain Range, where we usually go! We got home with a great tree. Sometimes, we get the tree home and realize that it's pretty ugly- the wrong shape, a big bare spot, not a nice triangle, etc. This year, we were pretty proud of ourselves! (Though I can't take much credit. I mostly took pictures while Josh did all the work. Wait. Not mostly, I guess. That's ALL I did. :) )

Brecken mostly stood around and cried. He didn't want his snow pants on. Hey- at least he loves his boots this week. Even asked to sleep in them the other night. Unlike a couple weeks ago...

He was shouting, "NO! I don't want my picture!!"

it's begun

Basketball season, that is. It actually started a few weeks ago, but this weekend opened up GAME season! Josh's team played in the Carbon County Classic this weekend, in Encampment. They beat Hanna last night, lost to Baggs this morning, and then won against Cokeville this afternoon! 2-1, not a bad start to the season. They were really fun to watch. I've always enjoyed watching the Saratoga boys team, they play really well together and it's just fun. I'm not sad that Josh made the switch from girls this year! I also had forgotten how much faster boys games are. No fouls every other play, not NEARLY as many jump balls.... it's way more fast-paced, which I think is what makes it so much fun to watch!!

Brecken did really well at the games. I made sure to sit where he had some room to move, and also packed his backpack full of books, coloring books, crayons, cars, etc. Between all those things, I was able to keep him occupied pretty well. :)

Tonight we went to the Christmas parade downtown. No pictures though, because it was so.cold that I didn't dare take my gloves off to get the camera out! Brecken was bundled up in his sweats, his snow pants, boots, gloves, hat, and coat, sitting under a sleeping bag. He enjoyed the parade but was glad to get back in the warm car and head home!

Tomorrow we plan to go cut down our Christmas tree- then I can get presents wrapped and put under it!

the best of intentions

Every year, I have the best of intentions to get my Christmas cards sent out early. And it seems that every year, they get sent out at the last minute again! I *might* make my goal this year- I took my cards with me on my trip with my high school kids last week before Thanksgiving so I could work on them. :) Teachers have nothing to do during those two days, and I did make a pretty good dent in card-addressing. (In between trips downtown, the Union Bookstore, etc.... Hey- Laramie has stores to shop in and Saratoga really does not, so I had to take advantage of it! :) )

I have discovered, however, that too many people in my address book MOVE! You should see the list of people I need new addresses from since last Christmas!! Ridiculous! hehe. If you read this and I need a new address for you from last year, will you please leave a comment on here with your new address? Then I'll delete your comment instead of posting it, so rest assured, your address will not be floating around cyberspace. :) If you aren't on my list and you would like to be, give me your address too!

peace and quiet

I'm pretty sure my parents threw a party today after all their company left- for the sole reason that they were once again in peace and quiet. We had a noisy weekend full of fun, but I'm sure it's hard to have your normally-quiet-and-clean house ransacked by 7 people, 3 of whom are children and noisy and messy. :)

Ryan and Brecken had a great time playing these past 4 days. Perhaps I should say they had a great time playing most of these past 4 days. One minute they'd be playing and having a great time- playing cars, playing chase, playing wrestling, making barns out of every single one of my mom's couch cushions in order to watch cartoons without anyone bothering them... and then the next minute would be an all out fight.

"She's MY grandma."
"NO! She's MY grandma!"
"NO! SHE'S MY GRANDMA AND NOT YOURS!"

(or something to that effect. That wasn't the only fight, belive me- there were others about who said what first, going back and forth between "NO!" "YES!" a hundred times about things they had no idea why they were saying no or yes, the color of the sky.... whatever you can dream up, they probably fought over it!)

But tonight when we got home, Brecken asked if Ryan could come over tonight to play.

Oh the joys of having two 3-year olds in the same house for extended periods of time. :)

think he's excited?

Brecken: Come on, Mommy. Let's go to Gillette!

Me: We can't go yet, Daddy is still at work!

Brecken: Then let's go without him!!

gobble gobble

We're off on vacation today. In the past seven nights, I have slept in my own bed twice! We were in Lingle last weekend, and then I left at 5:40 in the morning on Monday to take some of my high school kids to Laramie for an honor choir. We got home last night. My kids did great and had a lot of fun. My seniors got me flowers! I have no idea why- I certainly haven't done anything! The girl who gave them to me said it was because it was their last year at District Clinic. I told her I could fix that- a flunking grade in English would surely make them come back next year, right? I certainly don't want to lose my seniors- they are wonderful.

Today, after Josh gets done with school and practice at 2:00, we're headed to Gillette for Thanksgiving. The whole family will be there, it will be a full house, that's for sure! I'm very much looking forward to the turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy! We will have to be careful to call the turkey "chicken" so we have a chance of Brecken eating it.

Time to get the dogs off to the kennel and get some laundry done before we leave. Josh and Brecken have school today and I do not- it's a weird feeling!

a great man

A very wise man sought me out on my wedding day, and told me to call him if my groom needed reminded of how to be a good husband. He said he made sure all the boys in his family knew how to treat their wife. I promised him I'd call if I needed to. I've never had to.

That great man left us last week and made the journey to Heaven. As we celebrated his life this weekend, I had the feeling that that great man was looking down on us, admiring all the work he did in his life. His Greatness was left behind in everyone he touched- his beautiful bride of 57 years, his children, nieces, nephews, sisters, brothers, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. His Greatness was left behind in anyone who had the extreme honor of ever meeting him. It's evident in all he did- not many people are elected as County Clerk for 25 years in a row.

I'm grateful that I had the chance to know him, even if it was just a little tiny bit.

To his beautiful bride of 57 years, I cried when I found out he was a devoted reader of my silly little stories on here. I was and still am truly amazed. I hope I can keep it up so you can carry on the daily readings- and I will try to update more often so there aren't as many mornings with no news. :)

Yes, a great man has left us. But you can be sure his Greatness lives on.

second opinion

Josh and I went to Cheyenne today, to a gastroenterologist, to get a second opinion on my liver. He said he is sure the radiologist is correct that it's a benign growth of cells, and sees no reason to worry about it at all. He is sending me for bloodwork to make sure it doesn't pick up any abnormalities, but he said he would be shocked if anything showed up. What a relief to hear. Now if that annoying feeling in my side would go away, I'd be a happy camper. :)

He said liver issues in women could be caused by the use of birth control pills, and could be made bigger by pregnancy, but he sure wouldn't not go ahead and have another baby because of it. These growths don't be come dangerous, really, so if it did get bigger for some reason, it wouldn't be really bad. Who knows- maybe it was caused by being pregnant in the first place, and we never knew it! (pretty sure it's not because of birth control pills since I've been on those for maybe a total of a whole year in my whole life!) He also agreed with the radiologist that I should have another CT Scan in 6 months, but if I was pregnant at that time, it was fine to put it off until after a baby was born.

Brecken spent the day (well, half of it anyway) with my sister again, for the second time this week. We are very grateful that my sister lives where we always end up going, because it's great to drop him off and not have to bring him to the doctor. So, thanks, Kristen!!! We really, really appreciate you!!!

the naughty one

Brecken has had a rough week at school. It's been freezing cold, and for some reason, they are still taking the kids outside for recess. (Even our kids at school this week have had inside recess!) We've been asked to bring snowpants and all that good ol' winter gear so they can go out. Brecken HATES things around his toes. He refuses to wear socks, even. But this week, he has been refusing to wear his snowboots. As a result, he has had to stay inside for recess. Which means there is one less adult body outside with all the other kids, since someone has to stay in with him.

I think his teachers aren't very pleased with us. They even asked our babysitter to talk to us about ideas we could use on him. I have one stubborn child though, and I'm not sure what to do. I DID have him help me pick out new boots online tonight, and I ordered them two sizes too big so they are loose around his feet, like his beloved Crocs, which are the the only shoes he will wear. He got to pick out whatever boots he wanted to tonight and he declared the ones he picked "Perfect!" Hopefully he will still think they are perfect when they arrive in the mail, and hopefully he will wear them at school.

I cried tonight after we got home. I don't want my child to be the one who won't listen and gets in trouble. I'm hoping, in a very weird way, that he's getting sick. I don't want him to be sick, but I want there to be a reason that he is not listening very well this week. It's not like him to be naughty- he's normally a very easy-going kid! (and tonight he fell asleep at 6:30.... maybe he's overly tired this week?) I'm hoping this is a trend that will be over SOON, and I hope his teachers know that we really are working on the listening thing at home, and that we don't put up with naughty! We are both teachers- we know how hard it is to have naughty kids, so we aren't going to let our child be one of them! Surely, they know how 3-year olds act, right? I now believe people when they say 3 is worse than the terrible 2's.... its soooooo very true in our house!

Come on, age of 4....

faces of the past

Brecken picked up a picture we have, of my whole family at my sister's wedding in 2004. It was only five years ago, but we all must have changed more than I realized. The only people in the picture Brecken could recognize were Daddy and his Grandpa (my dad). I asked where I was, and he couldn't find me. And he couldn't find Aunt Kristen. Or Grandma. Or anyone else I asked about. When I helped him identify these people, we had the following conversation:

B: Where's Ryan?
Me: He isn't there, because he wasn't born yet!
B: Where's me?
Me: You weren't born yet either.
B: But where was I?
Me: Nowhere, really, you weren't alive yet.
B: Was I at Kristen's house?
Me: No, buddy, you weren't. You weren't alive yet, so you weren't anywhere.

It's hard to explain to a 3 year old why he isn't in a picture with all the people he loves!

ideas for brecken

I've been getting a few people ask what Brecken wants for Christmas, so here are a few ideas:

• He is still into dinosaurs- dino shirts, dino toys, dinos in general.
• He loves to play games but we only have a few. We already have Elefun- don't get him that one. He plays Flippin' Frogs and Hungry Hungry Hippos at daycare but we don't have them yet- he would like those.
• He loves to do artwork.
• He is a Croc lover- that's all he will wear. Shoe size right now is an 8.
• Shirt/sweatshirt size is 3T.
• Pants size is 2T, but he only wears sweatpants. He will not wear anything else. They can't be the sweatpants that have the elastic around the ankles either- they have to be the wide leg kind. He is very picky about his clothes.
• He really wants purple athletic shorts like Daddy's, if anyone happens to find some!!
• He loves loves loves to read.
• He loves his movies too- Noggin/Nick Jr. ones are the best because they have shorter episodes- full length movies don't hold his interest. Favorites right now are Diego, Dora, Wow Wow Wubbsey, Max and Ruby, and recently he has really gotten excited by Curious George. We don't have any Curious George movies yet so he would love that!

Hope that helps with anyone that needs any ideas for him...

terribly busy

That's what this past week was. I put in 12+ hour days at work Monday-Thursday, so today it was VERY nice to have an early-out at school and get to leave at 1:00. Monday I took my choir kids to Rawlins after school to try out for all-state. Tuesday I had concession stand duty for the jr. high boys basketball game. Wednesday and Thursday nights I had parent/teacher conferences. Needless to say, I'm exhausted and quite sore tonight! I've been hanging out on the bed, listening to my cousin's high school football game on the internet (they are in the 2nd round of the playoffs!), and looking forward to doing nothing this weekend. I'll try to get pictures posted of our Halloween, though you won't get to see a costume- that story will accompany the post.

birthday "surprise"

Josh and Brecken came up to school to have lunch with me today. Josh went to talk to my principal for a minute and while he was gone, Brecken told me, "We bought you boots, Mommy!" I thought he was making stuff up, until I remembered that Josh asked what size shoe I wore last night!! So this afternoon, I asked Josh, "Did you buy me boots today?" He said no, and Brecken comes running and said, "YES WE DID DADDY!" Josh insisted no, Brecken insisted yes. Josh finally ended up laughing. He told Brecken "That was for Mommy's birthday, Brecken- it was a surprise!" Brecken's response? "See, Mommy- I told you we bought you boots!" HA! HA! I guess this holiday season we will not be sharing secrets with Brecken, unless we don't want any surprises on Christmas morning! :)

I told Josh I have no idea what kind of boots he would have bought me, nor do I have a clue what they look like, so I'll still be surprised. :)

We took Brecken trick-or-treating downtown this afternoon. He was so excited all week long, wearing his costume around the house, practicing saying "Trick-or-Treat!!" But when it came time this afternoon, he chickened out at the last minute and refused to wear his costume. And wouldn't say a thing to any of the people at the stores. What a 3-year-old. :) Tomorrow night is the Halloween carnival at my school, and he's very excited to go play the games, so we'll see if he will wear his costume to that. :)

We got our pumpkin carved tonight! Brecken didn't want to touch the pumpkin guts, so he let his Daddy do all the dirty work. :)

last game!

Tonight is Josh's last football game of the season! I would be very happy for them if they made the playoffs, but I will admit, I threw a little party for myself when it was clear they were NOT going to the playoffs next week. :) I feel bad about that- I really want them to do well, I really do, but I also like having my husband home after school. :) I get him home for 3 whole weeks before basketball starts! Woo-hoo!

:)

mind games

Either my liver really does hurt or my head is doing a heck of a job doing mind games with me!! I hate it! Work has NOT been a distraction. Instead, every day I come home and tell Josh what hurt that day. On Tuesday, we went for a follow-up appointment to talk about my CT scan a little more since we never really got to talk to a doctor about it. The doctor we talked to is in the process of setting up an appointment for me with a gastroentronologist (or however it's spelled). She said if it were HER liver, she'd want to go to a specialist who sees livers every day. I do too! I was going to ask her for a referral for one, but she brought it up first. It will be nice to have a peace of mind about the whole matter. AND, if God-forbid, something IS wrong, I'm not having to wait the recommended 6 months the radiologist recommended for another CT scan. I'd rather know. I just need answers because the whole mind game thing is seriously going to make me crazy. Literally. And I'm pretty sure I'm driving Josh crazy, too. If you are the praying type, we sure would appreciate prayers that this tumor really is benign and not dangerous. We can't have too many prayers right now.

On a happier subject, Brecken is getting very excited for Halloween. He is going to be a "flying dinosaur". (it's actually a dragon costume.) He keeps saying "I'm going Trick-or-Treating!" when he sees Halloween commercials on TV. We actually get to celebrate it 3 days in a row next week- th 29th is the Trick-or-Treat downtown, then the 30th is my school Halloween carnival, and then Saturday we will go Trick-or-Treating for real. Brecken can't wait!

distractions

I wish last week never happened.

But it did happen. And now it's messing with my head.

Any little twinge, weird feeling, imaginary feeling, ANYTHING, and I think I'm going to die. I'm sure my liver mass has suddenly taken over and I'm done for. It's a TERRIBLE thing to think, but for real, I can't help myself. It sucks. It sucks BAD.

And I hate the fact, that because I have to have another CT Scan, we can't resume trying for another baby until after it's done. CT scans on pregnant women aren't good. That puts us off until APRIL again. And even if we magically got pregnant that very month (and let's face it, I'm not very optomistic about that occuring), Brecken will be 4 1/2 when his sibling is born. And I hate that, too. I wanted kids closer together than 4 1/2 years. And it will probably have to be our last kid because I don't really want a teenager when I give birth to my 3rd child. Not that I had my heart set on 3 kids, but I wanted to make that decision. Not my stupid broken body.

This whole thing just sucks. Big time. I wish I could get pregnant like all the other women in the world. I don't want it to be so hard and without so much effort and doctors and MONEY. Everyone else gets pregnant for free. Us? We have spent probably close to $40,000 in the past two months alone. Thank the Lord for health insurance, but even with that, we have spent thousands.

I'm ready to go back to work. I go back on Monday and I'm looking foward to it very much. At home, I sit here thinking about every ache and pain. At work, I'll be busy enough that hopefully I won't have time to think about it and my mindset will be much improved. I need the distractions.

Thanks for letting me vent.

singing machine

We've been getting sung to quite a lot in the past couple weeks by the B-man. And now it has progressed to not just songs, but medleys of songs!

"The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout, down came the rain and.... SHE SAID, Little Bunny Foo Foo, I don't want to see you, scooping up the field mice and bonking them on the head... mama called the doctor and the doctor said, no more monkeys jumping on the bed!"

on a much happier note...

B's pictures are ready! Stacey did an absolutely phenomenal job with them this year. (like she does every year!!) You would never know that he spent most of the day crying!! Check them out!!

http://www.mpix.com/SharedAlbum.aspx?aid=3123267&key=rXKaNVhGlCVrLMKygxoa

If you click on "slideshow", you can see them a little bigger and if you click on the little plus sign in the slideshow, you can get through them pretty quickly.

LOVE THEM, Stacey! Thank you!!!!!!

(and yes, I know that one of the family pictures has a kid in it that isn't mine... B was DONE taking pictures by the time family ones came around and refused, so cousin Parker gladly stepped in. You can tell how B felt about family pictures in the one of him racing by on a tractor with us in the background, with his devil grin on....)

the world comes crashing in

I had an incision check on Tuesday. I wasn't looking forward to the drive to Ft. Collins, so Dr. B ok'd me to get checked by my OB's office in Laramie. And boy, was I in luck because the day I needed to be seen, my OB's office started coming to Saratoga! They come twice a month now- I'm so excited about that. Anyway, I saw a wonderful doctor on Tuesday who said my incisions are healing very nicely. (all 4 of them.) However, I've been really short of breath when I talk or move a lot and I asked him about that. He was a little concerned that perhaps I had some post-op blood clotting in my lungs and wrote an order for me to get a chest CT Scan done at the Laramie hospital that very afternoon. So much for not going to Laramie! I called Josh, he got someone to cover his classes, and off we went.

The CT wasn't bad- a little weird when they hooked up an IV and put iodine contrast in me- my whole body got really really warm, but that was OK because it was freezing in that room! The tech also said it would feel like I wet my pants, but to be rest assured, I wouldn't. That was a totally accurate description- what an odd feeling!

We waited around for a while and finally got word that it was OK to go home, no blood clots. Yay! However, the doctor said the radiologist found some "incidental findings", but didn't know what they were yet so he was going to call us the next day.

Wednesday, I finally called the doctor's office to see what was up. The nurse did some checking for me and it came back that I had a 3.2 cm mass on my liver and a 1.something cm cyst on my kidney. Another CT Scan was needed to see what was going on. I freaked. I called Josh immediately and told him to come home and while I waited, I broke down. I couldn't stop crying. And as soon as Josh got home and found out what was going on, I had to spend some time in the bathroom getting sick. I was soooo scared. I saw everything I've worked for go down the drains- I knew (and still know) that I'm not ready to leave my baby- I need to see him grow up. To play basketball for his high school. To see him get married and have babies of his own. I didn't want to leave Josh as a single father, nor did I want to leave the best husband ever at all. It was the most awful feeling in the world. I honestly felt like the world was crashing in on me. I bawled all afternoon while Josh tried to reassure me that 1) my complete blood workup prior to my surgery last week wasn't red flagged, 2) even if they have to cut part of my liver out, it regrows, so it's not a total loss, 3) it could be absolutely nothing.

We decided that we'd go to Laramie and spend the night in a hotel that night, for a few reasons. It was supposed to snow the next morning and if you know our route from Saratoga to Laramie, snow is never good. We also needed to be at the hospital at 8:30-ish the next morning for blood work prior to my CT Scan. And we needed to kind of get away from everyone and be a family. So off we went.

Brecken played at my sister's house on Thursday. I'm so grateful that my sister lives there and was available to watch him while Josh and I went to the hospital. (Thanks, Kristen!!) I had my blood drawn to check kidney levels, which were apparently fine since if they aren't, they won't do the CT. Then I did the repeat CT Scan. Then we waited and waited at Kristen's house. I was pretty numb by this point, and was still crying. A lot.

I finally called the doctor's office around 2:00 and the nice nurse from the day before did some checking for me and called back with the news I was HOPING for but not really expecting, if that makes sense. She said the radiologist thinks it's just a bunch of weird cells (there was a name but of course I forgot it) that are benign. The radiologist isn't too worried about it but wants another CT Scan in 6 months to check again. I can do that!!! They didn't mention my kidney but apparently it is quite common to get small cysts on your kidneys and they most always go away on their own- so most people never even know they have them. I broke down in tears once again, but this time in complete and utter relief. I made the B-man come hug me and he didn't want to- but I made him anyway. :) I said, "I need a hug from my baby." His response? Nothing other than "I'M NOT A BABY!!!!!" I can always count on him for a laugh when I need one, that's for sure.

I can honestly say this has probably been the worst week of my life. And for real- this is the 2nd cancer scare I've had in two months- first the ovarian cyst thing and now this. I'm done with having these scares!!! I'm 29 years old, I've been COMPLETELY healthy up until August when we found out my reproductive system problems, and I'm ready to go back to being completely healthy again. :)

I had originally planned to go back to work on Monday, but I'm not. I'm going to take next week off too. That leaves me with 2 1/2 sick days until the end of the year, but we'll deal. Right now, I'm not PHYSICALLY ready to go back- I had not planned on having 1/3 of my reproductive system removed from my body last week. I'm still quite sore and get tired very easily. Today is the first day I've been home with Brecken by myself (Josh has an overnight football trip) and I'm really sore and exhausted!! Josh also wants me to take some mental days after this week's ordeals. So I think one more week is needed. Then I should be good to go. (And I will be the first to admit that my stomach is quite swollen- I can't imagine wearing anything but my wonderful sweat pants!!!)

Thank you all that prayed and sent good thoughts- we definitely needed them. Now I can try not to worry about that anymore and get back on track with recovering from my original problem! Man, I'm ready to be done with all of it. :)

hanging in there

That's what we are doing- hanging in there! I've actually been hanging out in bed all day and it's been wonderful. I slept a TON today- my body must need the sleep! Getting up is a tad bit better today but I'm not really going anywhere- making my way to the bathroom is far enough for now. :) My co-workers have been WONDERFUL- last night Josh brought home spaghetti, salad, and homemade bread that our art teacher made, and tonight we had the BEST pot roast and garden veggies. I'll take Josh's word that the carrots and onions were good. :) I DO know that the garden potatoes are to die for! Our 4th grade teacher made that for us tonight. Along with that, we got a HUGE platter of brownies and muffins from one of our special ed teachers, and Brecken has already given his thumbs up on those. :) I'm a very lucky person to work with the people I do.

Brecken has been going to preschool and Amy's house still, which has been WONDERFUL for me. I can rest and recover at home without having to worry about keeping him entertained. He's home alone with me during football practice but it hasn't been too bad yet- he's pretty good at cuddling on the bed with me and watching cartoons. :)

home. and sore. and missing some pieces.

What a wild couple days.

While talking about surgery as it was getting closer, I had always told Josh that if an organ needed to come out, to tell the dr. to take it out. I told that to the PA during my pre-op appointment yesterday morning and she almost laughed at me and said that was not likely. I told that to Dr. B yesterday morning and he said, "It's been years and years since I've needed to do that, so no worries." And what do you know- I'm now missing organs. I must have a 6th sense about these things. :)

Yesterday morning started off with me starving and not being allwed to do anything about it. We went to my pre-op appointment at 9:30, got the low-down, and then found out my surgery, which was originally set for 1:00 that afternoon, got pushed up to noon because of a cancellation. So we had about 45 minutes to waste but was able to get our fabuloso daycare lady some gift cards to help out with their move. Then we checked into the surgery center. We found out how much this little adventure cost us and boy, am I ever grateful for health insurance. Holy moly.

I sat back in the pre-op room for FOREVER. I didn't get brought into an OR until a little after 1:00 despite there being a cancellation. The doctor using the OR at the time apologized to me but I told him I sure as heck wouldn't want anyone rushing surgery on me, so I didn't want them rushing on anyone else! Finally, the anestesiologist came for me and told me to give Josh hugs and kisses while he put stuff into my IV, because in about 30 seconds, I wasn't going to remember any of it. And man, was that true! I remember seeing the OR doors and that's the last I remember!!

I DO remember waking up- I was shaking so badly and they had to hurry to get me meds in my IV to stop that. And they kept asking me questions and I was moving my mouth but nothing would come out. I think that was due to the tube that was down my throat during the operation.

Anyway, the night wasn't bad. I had a pain med button I could push every 10 minutes, but I only pushed it about 6 times total in the night. My pain wasn't bad at all and I was very grateful for that. My night nurse was very nice, and there were only 4 of us in the surgery center last night. Me, Josh, the nurse and another nurse! That was kind of nice too. The only NOT nice thing was they didn't have a selection of things to eat- I had a choice of chicken broth, chicken noodle soup, oatmeal, Jell-o, and pudding. Big whoop. I had chicken noodle soup for breakfast. Dr. B was completely impressed. :)

They got me up and walking at 5 am this morning! I couldn't quite figure out why it had to be so early, but whatever. Dr. B came in around 9 and gave me the low-down- he said he told me yesterday but I have absolutely no recollection of him telling me anything yesterday. So here are the finer points of the conversation:

• He went in laproscopically first and found that my left fallopian tube was blocked with scar tissue, even though my HSG test in August showed no blockage. He said that test lied.
• In addition to being blocked, it was folded up on itself.
• He was able to get the scar tissue off and unfold the tube but isn't sure it's going to stay that way.
• He got in my right ovary and found that it wasn't a dermoid tumor after all, but a huge endometrioma.
• My right fallopian tube had a ton of endometriosis on it.
• He cut me open to take out the endometrioma, and it had completely taken over my ovary. He couldn't save it, so it came out.
• The fallopian tube also came out- it doesn't do much good to have a tube without an ovary, and with all the endometriosis on it, it would just cause me pain and problems. So out it came.
• My left ovary will now take over all functions- instead of it supposedly trading off with my right ovary every other month, it will now ovulate every month. (hopefully.)
• Dr. B said this will actually help my chances of conception because we aren't wasting time with a bad ovary and tube- only a good ovary and a hopefully good tube, if it can stay straightened out!!

So there you go- a "quick" summary. We are now home and I'm in bed relaxing. We met Craig and Lennie in Cheyenne again to get Brecken (who apparently, according to all this stuff, is a total miracle baby!!!!) and eat luch with them. Brecken was very glad to see us, though he cried really hard and doesn't want me to have owies anymore and had a hard time understanding that he couldn't sit on my lap. :( He said he had fun by himself at Grandma and Papa's house but next time, he wants us to come. :)

I'm sure I left stuff out- I'm trying to write through pain in my belly so I'm not the best at concentrating right now. If I think of anything, I'll add it later. :)

my bright spot

Check out the sneak peek of Brecken's GORGEOUS pictures!!!

http://staceyjphotog.blogspot.com/2009/09/bright-spot.html

off to the races

Well, here we go! Laundry is in the dryer, and as soon as it's done, it will be placed in suitcases. We're off to the races.

Tomorrow morning, we will be loading up the car and heading to Cheyenne. It's picture day! I love picture day. I never get tired of seeing my child through Stacey's eyes and cannot wait to see how his 3-year photos turn out! Hopefully he will cooperate and wear the super cute clothes we bought for the occasion- the shirt shouldn't be a problem since it has a dinosaur on it, but the shorts might be another issue.... my child lives in sweatpants.

After pictures, my sweet boy and I will be parting in different directions. Brecken will be going with his Grandma and Papa to Lingle to spend a few days, and Josh and I will be heading to Ft. Collins for my surgery on Monday morning. That's going to be hard on me. It's the longest he has ever been away from both of us. He stayed overnight by himself at my mom and dad's house last spring, but it wasn't even for 24 hours. This will be for two nights!! He adores his Grandma and Papa so hopefully it will be easy for everyone. I'm sorry in advance though, Lennie, if he cries the whole ride back to Lingle.

As I mentioned, my surgery is Monday. I'm starting to get a tad bit nervous, but will be so glad to have this stupid thing out of me. It's hurting again tonight. Not extremely painful like has happened before, but enough to be uncomfortable. So let's get the show on the road and get it out. I'll post again when I'm able to, and let y'all know how it went.

Until then...

daycare drama

So Brecken did NOT get to stay the rest of the week at Stacy's. She left this morning to go get married in Nebraska. We knew she was getting married, just didn't know when. We called everyone we could think of last night and still had no babysitter for today, tomorrow, and Friday. I was in tears when one of our friends who we had already called, called us back and said she called one of HER friends for us who gladly volunteered to take Brecken this week. We didn't know this lady at all- but she has a little girl in B's preschool class, she's a nurse, and her husband is a highway patrolman. Can't be all bad, right? So that's where B went today. Mary's house.

Josh brought Brecken to school first and then brought him to preschool at 8:15. Josh has 1st hour prep, so he was able to leave. He had a staff meeting first though, and told me through email that Brecken had read a book during the meeting. Wanna know what book? One by Hemingway! I laughed hard. Our 3 year old prodigy. :) Josh then took him to preschool and was shocked to see B walk right over to the table with a bunch of cows on it, find the one that said "BRECKEN", and put it on the barn on the wall to show they were there today. He still doesn't know how he found the right one. (I'm going to venture a guess that they lay them out in the same order each day....) B's teacher, Melody, told Josh that we have a very bright child and is always very smart. Keep those comments coming, Miss Melody! :)

Anyway, I picked Brecken up this afternoon from Mary's house and was relieved to find that Brecken had a great time. He did not want to go with her, which is OK with me since I don't really want him wanting to leave with strangers.... but the preschool knew Mary was going to take him home so they let Brecken know it was OK. In fact, one of the teachers carried my child the two blocks to Mary's house to show him that it was fine. What great teachers he has. :) It took him about a half hour to totally warm up, but then was fine. Mary also has a little boy that will be 3 in January, so not much younger than Brecken, and they played all afternoon. Mary took them on an hour long walk, played outside, watched cartoons, just a bunch of fabulous sounding things. I loved Mary as soon as I met her this afternoon. I'm very glad Brecken will be going there the rest of the week. Maybe by Friday Mary will tell me, "You know, I'd love to have him full-time!" :)

No news today on Amy's dad. As of yesterday, his heart was still not beating on it's own. They were able to put a balloon pump into him yesterday though, so they were at least able to close up his chest. Keep on prayin' for them.

the new lady

Brecken spent the day at the new daycare lady's house. Her name is Stacy. I was pretty positive it was going to be a disaster- B woke up in a horrible mood and it got worse after we forced him to wear socks under his Crocs (because he threw an even bigger fit when we got out the tennis-excuse me, GOLF- shoes...) due to the SNOW that was on the ground this morning! Combine that with being dropped off at a strange lady's house, I was sure we'd be getting called to come pick him up and take him home. But we didn't. And he survived. (and so did his Mommy.) His friend Riley (also from Amy's house) was there to play with today. And Stacy took Brecken to preschool which was familiar to him, so that made the transition easier too. I did get to Stacy's house to pick Brecken up this afternoon, to find Brecken in his heavy coat still. She said he refused to take it off all day long. It must have been his comfort blanket today. :) (Though I'm willing to bet he took it off at school, since that was something he felt comfortable with.)

Tomorrow, he'll go back, and this time his friend Cavin from Amy's house will be there too. I'm glad there are kids Brecken knows. It makes me feel better.

The reason Brecken was there today and will be for the rest of the week, is because Amy's dad had heart bypass surgery in Salt Lake City today. I never heard a final number but they were predicting 6-10 bypasses. Holy yikes. She planned on being back tomorrow night, but wrote to Josh tonight and said that her dad's heart would not start after the surgery. They left it open and hooked up to machines to pump it for him, and they are hoping his heart is just stunned right now and will start beating on it's own again soon. Of course, Amy and her family will be there at least the rest of this week. How very scary for Amy and her family. My heart totally goes out to them. If you have any prayers to spare, we sure would appreciate some for Amy and her family.

I took Dylan with me today when I picked up Brecken and the 3 of us went to the park. I took pictures of them playing and made a photobook for Brecken to give Dylan for a going away present. I ordered one for Brecken too, so they'll always have pictures of each other! Now, if I could just find something fabulous for Amy...

out of the mouth of "babes"

Heard from the back seat on our way home today, while talking about preschool:

"All the girls are my best friends, Mom."

3-year-old chick magnet. :)

a 3 year old

Sept. 11, 2006 Sept. 11, 2007
Sept. 11, 2008

Sept. 11, 2009

the "me tree"

Brecken comes home with the greatest things from preschool. Today is one that I will definitely be keeping for forever and ever. It's a "me tree", with his hand as the tree stump and his fingers as the branches, full of pictures of his favorite things.

The magazine pictures are an apple, some corn-on-the-cob, and a kitty. The pictures he drew are wonderful- the two red ones are hearts, one for Mommy and one for Daddy, he said. And the one on the right is him.

I LOVE this boy. :)

football, baptism, and a party

Busy weekend we just had! Josh's team was playing in Lingle, so we stayed the weekend. The game was very painful to watch. Not fun at all. We lost BIG. Darn it, because that means Josh lost to his old coach! :)

This picture of Brecken and his friend Avey (from Lingle!) was taken immediately before Brecken's fall through the bleachers, onto the cement underneath, resulting in LOTS AND LOTS of blood. I've never seen so much from one little mouth. I was sopping it up with a diaper to absorb it!



Saturday and Sunday Josh played in a golf tournament with his dad and Jeffrey. Brecken and I went into town with Grandma Saturday morning and spent Saturday afternoon taking a nap. It was fabulous! :) Saturday evening, after the tournament ended for the day, we all loaded up and went to Alliance, NE for Bryell's baptism. Beth's mom and dad were gracious enough to let us all invade their house for dinner- Carol made a FANTASTIC spread for us all to enjoy. Brecken had fun playing at their house- he had Bryell to love on (and he did plenty of loving on her!), a yard to play golf and football in, and lots of new people (Beth's dad Wayne, Grandpa, and Uncle Jeffrey!) to play with. He did GREAT during the baptism. I had told him he needed to be really quiet in the church and if he needed to talk, he needed to whisper. He took that very serious and as my camera clicked for the first time, I got a "SHHHH, Mommy! We have to be quiet!" :) He was very proud of himself for staying quiet for 30 minutes while the baptism took place. Bryell was a trouper too- she didn't cry at all!


Sunday was a busy day as well! I spent well over 5 hours baking basketball cakes and decorating them. Brecken was so excited to have his basketball birthday party, he could hardly stand it. We had it on Sunday since all the Sandlian siblings were home already. (We will have our friends over for a birthday BBQ after Josh's game on Friday night, B's actual birthday.) Brecken had a great time playing with ALL of his cousins (Kristen and David were able to come, too!!) and had a blast. He got great gifts from everyone- thank you! He got a Mickey Mouse sleeping bag, a Mickey Mouse coloring book, and a Mickey Mouse book from Grandma Pee-Wee (and his sleeping bag has been used many many times already!). A Lightening McQueen backpack for preschool, bathtub color tablets, and a water balloon game came from Kristen, David, and the kids. Grandma Lennie and Grandpa Craig got him a Bilibo, which we had given Brooke for her birthday and Brecken loved. It's a pure imagination toy to do whatever they want with it. (Teri- you should check into these for your preschool!) It has already been sat in, sat on, and jumped off of, as well as been worn on his head as a hat. Joel, Annie, and the kids got him a baby dinosaur that makes the cutest little dino sounds- it has to come everywhere with us now. Jeff, Beth, and Bryell got him football windpants (which he is SOOO excited about!) and a football shirt. Josh's Uncle Bryan and Aunt Anne got him some adorable jammies with a bear playing football on each pair. Josh and I got him a Panther sweatshirt. We also got him something else to open on his actual birthday. I hope I'm not forgetting anybody....

It was a great weekend! I love weekends like that, even if no rest was had. :)

so much to catch up on...

...but not tonight. Sorry. :) I have a bed to stretch out on calling my name, I'm actually in pain tonight. This stupid tumor thing hurts every once in a while and tonight is no exception.

I WILL be back soon though, to catch up on the weekend's events- lots to say! A football game, a weekend in Lingle, Bryell's baptism, and Brecken's birthday party since all the Sandlian siblings were home. Phew! It was a great weekend, but not a lot of relaxing was had. :)

So until then...

back to the doctor...

BRIGHT AND EARLY at 6:40 this morning so I could make it to Ft. Collins on time! Man, what a bummer way to spend a Saturday.

I went back today for a follow-up ultrasound. Dr. B has decided he doesn't think it's a cyst. Or an endometrioma. Or endometriosis. He now believes that it is a dermoid (a non-cancerous tumor; click on that if you don't know what it is- I didn't!). He said there are no rewards for hanging onto it, and it's best to get it out ASAP because it could grow so big it could kill my ovary. It's already causing my ovary to be 3x the size of normal. And sore. Especially tonight, after walking a lot today.

I woke up the other night with SEVERE pain in that area, and in my back too. I asked if that could be related and he said absolutely because my ovary is now so heavy that it's twisting on itself, causing severe quick onset of pain. As it twists back (he described it as like a hanging Christmas tree ornament twisting) the pain would go away. And it's true- mine did, after about 3 hours! (I almost made Josh take me to the ER- I'm glad I know what it is now!)

SO, I will be calling his surgery person on Monday to schedule surgery. He said it could be done as soon as next Monday (the 7th) but then we realized that was Labor Day. It sounded like he only does surgery on Monday, so it might be the following week. Which would be OK- I really, really don't want to miss Brecken's birthday. It will require an overnight stay in the hospital and then TWO WEEKS off work- yikes!! He said he'll go in laproscopically to make sure everything looks OK (and can take out any scar tissue and endo if he finds any), and then, if everything looks like it should (non-cancerous) he will stop laproscopy and cut me open- he prefers to do it that way so he's not yanking out good cells out of my ovary. My sister, a nurse, was with me today (Josh had a football game today) and I asked her what she thought of that approach, and she said it sounded VERY good to her, like he really cared what he took out and what he didn't, so that was nice to hear from a medical professional's point of view. :)

So anyway, there's the update. Dr. B said he'd rather me have this dermoid than endo, so I'll believe him! :)

Kristen and I were kid-less today and took the opportunity to go shopping! It was so nice to be able to do that without kids. And we were able to SIT and EAT lunch without having to rush or tell children to sit down and eat. :) It was like a mini-vacation and a lot of fun! Great sales down in Ft. Collins today...


edited to add: Dr. B did not think this was the cause of my infertility. We saw more immature eggs in that ovary, peeking out around the dermoid, than we saw in my healthy ovary! Most likely, this is just something we "came across". It's not causing it, but it's not helping the fertility issues, either. So we still don't have any answers!

preschool!

The day finally arrived! Brecken asked if he could go to bed EARLY last night so he could go to school in the morning. And when Josh brought him to Amy's first this morning, he said, "Dad. This is not preschool." HA! Here he is, the big day!

He will be going to school 4 days a week (Mon-Thurs) for 3 hours in the morning. (And no, he was not eating a popscicle so early in the morning- it was dark this morning so these pictures were taken this afternoon. :) )

helicopter

This helicopter flew in front of our house last night, so we hurried and loaded our plane and helicopter lover into the truck and went to the airport to watch. It would land, take off, circle around, and land again. It must have been practicing!

I did NOTHING to these photos to make the colors so beautiful- this was really how it looked last night!

football fan

back at it

Summer is officially over. :( Josh started football practice bright and early on Monday morning (6:00 a.m. early!!) followed by a work day. He had another work day yesterday and I had meetings. Today we both had a district-wide meeting. Tomorrow he starts actual school and I have work days for the rest of the week. My students come on Monday.

Brecken started back to daycare today. I was so proud of myself- I didn't cry this year! I almost did last night while thinking about it, but I didn't- and held it together this morning, too! :) It totally helps that we LOVE Amy, as does Brecken, and he feels totally comfortable at her house. I think that's why there were no tears from Mommy this morning. :) I picked him up from Amy's this afternoon and he hardly noticed I was there... he was busy picking out a popscicle to have. :) And when he was finished with his popscicle, he STILL didn't want to come home with me- he was too busy playing golf in the yard. So, the transition for him was easy. :)

smartie

We have a smart kid. I've always said that, but now we have proof. :) Brecken had his developmental screening today and BREEZED through it. Hooray! He scored the highest he could on everything. He flew through the puzzles, threaded beads through a pipe cleaner, stacked blocks, identified pictures, drew circles, drew a straight line, kicked and threw a ball, tapped the tip of a pencil on the table with just his finger, lots of things. Here's my favorite moment of the day: The lady gave him two mugs- one empty, one full of blocks. She asked him, "Which one is empty?" He took the full mug, emptied it out into the empty mug, held up the now-empty mug and replied, "THIS ONE!!" :) Gave us quite the chuckle.

She asked if he's speaking 4-5 word sentences, and I told her that he's actually saying 8-10 word sentences, and stringing 4 of those sentences together to form paragraphs. She said based on that, his verbal skills are WAY above normal 3-year old abilities. (and he's still 2, technically!) He has lots of practice- the kid doesn't quit talking. :) (And how many 2 year olds can tell you the difference between a putter and a pitching wedge??!!)

I noticed a HUGE difference in maturity between last year's screening and this year's screening. Last year, he wouldn't leave my lap to do anything, wouldn't let anyone touch him, etc. (Granted, last year, he had never been to the school and had never met the people, but still.) This year, he skipped right on into the preschool, went right on his way to doing everything, and hardly noticed Josh and I were there. I LOVE that. He really loves school and thrives on it. We got him all signed up for preschool for this year. He'll be going FOUR days a week, for 2.5 or 3 hours a morning (I forgot what she told me). He's so excited, he's even asked for a new backpack for preschool. (But don't buy him one- my sister did for his birthday!)

We even got a list of school supplies to bring to school, so after the screening, B and I headed to Rawlins to get those supplies. Brecken calls them "School Surprise"- supplies and surprise sound the same, so I can see where he would get confused. :) We had to get crayons, glue, a glue stick, paper towels, snacks, markers, and watercolors. He had a great time picking everything out!

Makes me a bit sad though... my baby is growing up. :(

scared me to death

We think Brecken went unconscious and had a tiny seizure yesterday. We were up at Josh's school and he was running up and down the ramp in the hallway. He tripped and bonked his head pretty hard. I went immediately to pick him up and thought he was holding his breath like he does when he cries hard, but he wasn't- he was kind of limp and rolled from my one arm to the other, then shook for a second and then came to. Scared the living daylights out of me and the 3 of us went immediately to the clinic to get him checked out. His eyes were OK and he was walking and talking OK (through his tears) so we came home and watched him closely. Nothing out of the ordinary last night, thank goodness. We did wake him up a couple times in the night to make sure though. SCARY! Josh thinks he may have had a teeny tiny concussion. Scared me to death though.

In other news....

Hogan got sprayed by a skunk again last night. About 2:00 am we heard him bark and yelp and then an AWFUL skunk stink in our bedroom- we think the skunk was under our window and Hogan scared it and got sprayed. UGH. Our bedroom smells but I've been doing the odor remover on the carpet and vacuuming it all day.... It's getting better. Gross. The dogs have been sleeping outside because it gets so hot in our house at night- same reason we had the bedroom window open last night. Now I never want to open the window again! :) (although it is right now with a fan going to air it out!!) I guess I should be glad it happened now, when I have time to get all my clothes deoderized... last time this skunk problem happened, I went to school smelling like a skunk for a week. YUCK.

In the infertility world...

I had an HSG test done on Monday in Ft. Collins. (click on the link to get a full explanation.) I can certainly live without ever having one of those done again!! :) The procedure itself didn't hurt, really, but was one of the most uncomfortable experiences ever. (OK, except for the numbing spray- that hurt. BAD. It stung. BAD.) I was quite sore afterwards and yesterday the soreness continued. Josh was able to be with me during pre-op and post-op, but not in the OR itself. My RE does his own HSG tests, so that he can see first-hand what is going on instead of relying on a radiologist's point of view. I like that about my RE- he's extremely hands-on and does all of his own stuff. It was really cool to see the dye move around- especially when it showed no blockages! Hooray!! (Even though that just means there's something else going on... But it's one test checked off the list.) I go in for bloodwork in a little over a week to make sure I am ovulating, and then about a week after that to check on the cyst. The bloodwork can be done in Rawlins, thank goodness; the ultrasound on the cyst will have to be in Ft. Collins again.

A great story this week from one of my fantastic infertile friends though- I don't want to be specific since it's not quite public knowledge yet, but know that a wonderful woman and her husband are well on their way to becoming parents because of great treatments and options for infertile women. I've been smiling all week about it!

a reproductive endocrinologist

If you haven't figured it out already, we struggle with infertility. Brecken took 17 months to get pregnant with, and there is a reason Brecken will be at LEAST 3 1/2 before he gets a sibling. We just didn't know exactly what that reason was until this past Tuesday, when we went to visit a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) in Fort Collins, CO.

The appointment was interesting. Josh was called a stud pretty much. :) So that ruled him out, even though a few years ago, we had been told it was his "fault" even though they never did tests on me because shortly after, we got pregnant. Apparently though, according to our RE, most doctors aren't specialized in infertility so their knowledge comes from how they were trained, and in this instance, that was a LONG LONG time ago for the doctor we had seen first! There are no REs in Wyoming. So it's worth the visit to CO to get a specialist, but too bad it's so dang far away! (3 hours one way.)

Then it was my turn. They did an internal ultrasound and found that I have a pretty large cyst inside my right ovary. Looking back, I've felt some aches there sometimes, but I couldn't tell you how long because I just assumed it was normal or gas or something! Apparently, it's not, it's the cyst. They then freaked me out by sending me to the hospital for a blood test to rule out ovarian cancer- I FREAKED all night long. I cried and cried. Luckily, I didn't have to wait long for the results because they called the next morning at 9:00 and said they aren't worried about cancer anymore. Normal ranges are between 0-21, and mine was 74, but cancer ranges are between 200-300. Phew! The raised number is pretty consistent with someone who might have endometriosis, so that's what they'll be looking for next. (They are amazed I haven'tbeen in a ton of pain- usually it's pretty painful. Like I said, mine is just achy!)

SO, I have to go back to Ft. Collins in one month so they can do another ultrasound on me and see if it's going down on it's own- if not, I'll have to have surgery to remove it. If it IS endometriosis though, it's a disease I'll have until menopause- there's not a cure for it.

In addition, I have to go back on Monday next week for an HSG test, where they put dye into your uterus and watch it go up the fallopian tubes to see if there are any blockages there. Fun, fun! After that, we'll know a little more of what we'll do as far as a game plan. So there you go- that's the issue! We certainly had everything turned upside down on us since 3 1/2 years ago- we thought it was Josh's "fault"and not mine, and as it turns out, he's been fine all along and it's ME that has the issues!! Wonder how long I've had this.

We just got back today from Lingle. I now have TWO trips to get caught up with on here. I better get cracking! :)

2 going on 14

Here are the "teenager" phrases we've been hearing around the house lately- they are kind of funny when they come out of the mouth of a tiny 2 year old- they won't be so funny in a few years! :)

"Fine!"
"I'm mad at you!"
"I'm NOT pouting!"
"I'm not talking to you any more!"

(And trust me- we do not laugh when he says these, I know very well that that would add fuel to the fire. But that doesn't stop us from laughing after he goes to bed! :) )

itsy bitsy spider

arranged by Brecken

adoration

dreams

My sister came over yesterday with her kids and friend Lindsey. We went out to breakfast this morning, and on the way there, Brecken started telling me about how a spider and snake bit his mouth, two fires burned him, and airplanes bonked him in the head and knocked him down. He was very serious about it and I realized he was telling me about his dreams last night. Boy, no wonder the kid was up all night crying- resulting in one tired mom this morning! I felt really bad for him for having these awful dreams. :(

Tonight, 20 minutes after he went to bed, he woke up crying again. I went in there and he told me "Mommy, I'm so scared." I asked what he was afraid of, and he said he was afraid of the airplanes. Oy- it might be a LONG night. Josh is in Casper for the coaching clinic so I'll be on my own... wish me luck! :)

serenity...

...out my door tonight.

friends

Brecken made a new friend while playing outside tonight. Our neighbors' 4 year old granddaughter from Laramie is visiting. She started waving and saying hi, and boy, did Brecken get excited! He said, "Mom! Somone's talking to me!!" He ran over and they were instant friends. They played bikes on our driveway, played in the sandbox in the back yard next door, played more bikes, the little girl (Cody, but I'm not sure if that's how she spells it) even asked him if he wanted to spend the night with her. HA! I told her that Brecken probably wouldn't like that because he was a little young still, but maybe in a couple years. :) When it was time for her to go eat dinner, she and Brecken gave each other the nicest, longest hug and blew kisses to each other and said "See you tomorrow!" It was dang cute.

We've been to Gillette and back since my last post. I'll try to blog about that trip tomorrow. Blogger has been weird the past couple days so I haven't gotten a chance.

new post

New post on the photo blog!

fertile thoughts

I've added a link to blogs I read. I'd invite you to check it out, if you want to know more about infertility. It is written by a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE), a doctor who specializes in infertility. He gets to write on both sides of the story- both as an RE and a parent who struggled with his wife through infertility to have a baby. Scroll down to the bottom and start with the first post- he has some fantastic information and good insight on what it's like to go through this.

I am in no way posting this to start a debate. I don't want to hear arguments. I've heard enough of them through our struggles and I'm not wanting more. I just want to put this out there so if you want to know more about what an infertile couple might go through, you can get it from someone that isn't just *bitter* about it, but someone who knows, both as a parent and a medical doctor who helps people who desperately want children, become parents. Someone who will tell you that in fact, "relaxing" does not help a medical problem. And adopting will not make you become pregnant one month later. And in fact, getting medical assistance such as IVF does not mean you will become pregnant with 9 children.

If you don't want to read about it, please don't. If you do, please do! He writes in a way that is very easy to read and you might enjoy it!