i'm not cut out for illnesses

I'm not cut out to have a sick child. It scares me to death. I always assume the worst. That's terrible, I know, but I can't help it. I know I should stay calm because I'm the mommy, but it's so hard. Even tonight, while talking to the pediatrician on the phone, I was shaking so bad and had to try hard to not cry on the phone.

Brecken woke up in an absolute panic about 10:30 last night. We could not get him to calm down. I had a feeling he was getting sick AGAIN, because this weekend he was rapid belly breathing again. And Amy said he hadn't been himself at daycare Monday and Tuesday. I slept with him last night and every time I moved, he would panic. It was a LONG night. He woke up this morning with a 101 fever. I was right- he was getting sick. So I stayed home with him today, and after mid morning, he perked up a bit. His fever stuck around and would creep back up as the medicine wore off, but he was in a better mood.

Well, after an OK day, we almost went to the ER again tonight. Brecken's temp was 101 at 7:45 and even after Tylenol and ibuprofen, it kept climbing. I called the pediatrician on call in Laramie (Kristen told me to) and it was Dr. DeHart, the doctor who was at B's delivery. While on the phone to her it got to 104.7. His rapid breathing was back again tonight too. He had told me his ear hurt, and I told Dr. DeHart that, and she's pretty sure he has an ear infection. But she said the rapid breathing concerned her, given his full history of breathing problems. She said to watch the fever and if it didn't go down, and if his breathing stayed rapid, we needed to get him to the ER. She said if I couldn't convince myself that he was OK, we should bring him to the ER. And if we don't go to the ER tonight, she definitely wants him brought in to the clinic tomorrow. So, a sub again tomorrow... Josh has a coach's clinic in Laramie, so we'll go over together and then leave Josh there with the other coaches. We have bags packed for a trip in the middle of the night though, just in case. But the fever has come down some.

I'm quite tired of illnesses. I feel totally guilty of him being born premature, because I'm very convinced his immune system is so low because of that. I know it wasn't my fault, I didn't make my body go into labor, but I still feel guilty. And I'm QUITE glad I don't have two kids. I couldn't deal well with having Brecken so sick all the time and having another baby, too!!!

So. Until the next update...