one year ago

One year ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed, in labor, worried about what was about to happen. I hadn't eaten since about 11:00 that morning, and they wouldn't let me eat, in case I was to go in for a c-section soon. (turns out, I was.) They had tried to stop my contractions with a pill, and it didn't work. They tried to stop my contractions with a shot that HURT LIKE THE DICKENS- it stung so bad. The nurse said it would, but I never expected that much pain. And it was all for nothing because I kept contracting. The doctor on call (who I didn't like, by the way) did some ultrasounds and pushed on my belly to get Brecken to swim head down, and he did, for the first time ever, but then later that night I felt him swim back to head-up position. The nurses kept having to come in and reposition my monitor, because Brecken was moving around so much he kept knocking it off. I KNEW he swam back to the head-up position, but the dumb doc-on-call wouldn't believe me. I counted down the hours until he went off-call and my wonderful doctor, Dr. Keeler, came on shift. Nobody would let me eat, and it is VERY mean to make a pregnant woman with hypoglycemia not eat, especially when everyone else in the room was eating in front of me!

I know I keep saying this, but I really can't believe that was a year ago. I still get super emotional thinking about that rollercoaster ride we went on starting a year ago today, and I don't suppose that will ever go away. I woulnd't change anything that happened, I would keep it exactly the same, because I feel like Josh and I both are better people for going through what we did. You can never understand what it's like to be the parent of a preemie until you've been there. Sitting in the NICU day in and day out is a very draining thing but it brought Josh and I closer together, and I feel like we have a bond with Brecken that nobody else can experience unless they've had to do it too. And I still wonder, to this day, what has happened to little Joseph, who was in the Infant Care Center (ICC) next to us- he had a cleft palate and a short lower jaw, and his dad was terrified to do anything about it because he didn't want that poor baby to have scars. He did have surgery, and I hope he can breathe better because of it. He couldn't breathe and he would panic. And little Sam, who was also a 36-weeker but born with Down Syndrome- he sure was a cutie. And Karson, across the hall from us in the ICC, who was a 28-weeker that had been there a month already when we got there. And Gia, who's cubicle exploded with pink stuff. And that poor mommy and daddy next to us in the NICU who had to take that sweet baby off life support after being alive on it for 3 days. What a horrible decision to have to make.

See, now I'm all in tears. Denver Children's has a new hospital opening up- I'd love to see inside it some day (but on my own, of course- not because I have a child in there!). They are also opening up their own Ronald McDonald house so the other one can be used by the other 2 hospitals surrounding it. Both places hold special places in my heart!

Brecken's crying- I better go put him to bed.
Love,
Kara