there was a baby in my belly

Last night we were watching House Hunters and the couple had six children. Three boys, and then three Chinese girls. I said, "look, they adopted a lot of kids!" Brecken then said, "You're going to adopt two!" I told him probably not, one was enough. He said, "No, I was one, and then we're getting another baby!"

We asked him if he thought he was adopted too, and he looked at me like it was obvious, and said, "Yes, mom!" I always wondered if B thought that's the way all babies came about. I love that it's so natural to him. But we corrected him and said that he grew inside my belly. And that my belly can't grow any more babies, so that's why some wonderful woman is going to grow one in her belly but let us adopt it for our own.

I then was telling him where his head liked to hang out while he was growing inside my belly. I showed him where it was (under my right ribs!) and how it would stick out and I'd have to push it back in, and how he liked to head-butt my ribs and how much that hurt, and he giggled and giggled and giggled.

And then while I was laying in bed last night, recalling the conversation, I remembered something I haven't thought about for a long time. As a mother growing a baby, you become incredibly intimate with their movements. Brecken used to do a stretch all the time and I can still feel what that felt like. And when I saw him do it for the first time OUTSIDE my belly, I got goosebumps because it was the EXACT same stretch he did inside. And now, I was able to see what it actually looked like. He would do it in his sleep, and his eyebrows would raise so high that I thought for sure his eyes had to open because his eyelids wouldn't stretch any more. They never did open though! And with his eyebrows raised, he'd pick up his chin and stretch his head up and back as much as he could, then he'd settle back down. It was amazing to see that happen, because I knew that stretch by feel so well. He would do it multiple times a day in my belly (which is odd since he never seemed to sleep! haha!) and he would do it multiple times a day when he was born. He still does it every once in a while, even at four years old.

It makes me incredibly sad to know that I probably won't know my next baby's movements so intimately. I will probably be missing out on that nine months of bonding time. B will probably be missing out on getting to feel a baby move in my belly. These parts still brings me to tears sometimes.

But. That new baby is going to bring us so much joy, even if I do miss out on those 40 incredible weeks. I hope it happens soon, because I have one excited little boy ready to be a big brother. :)